when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
