haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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