Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
