hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
