I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
