i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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