You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
