So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
