I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
