you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
