I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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