matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
