what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
