It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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