Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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