He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
