I heard we made out
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
