And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
