My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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