did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Randomize
