I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
