I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
