his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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