My friends, they love my intelligence
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Randomize
