his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
