i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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