never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
