Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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