Barsexuality is the new black.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can I color on your dick again?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
