Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
