Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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