He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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