I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
