I want to make a zoo with you.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
