I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
