I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
