I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
