My liver just broke up with me...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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