I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
