Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
