she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
