Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
