Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
