I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
