I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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