it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Randomize
