They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
