why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
