LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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