I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Watching her eat just hurts me
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
