remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
