I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
